What to Do When You Find Nothing Interesting

An·he·do·ni·a (noun)

• Inability to feel pleasure

    I have recently started feeling uninterested in so many aspects of my life: work, friends, video games, sports and watching TV. I can lay on my bed bored out of my mind, not wanting to do anything, because anything I would choose would not be the mind stimulation I am looking for. After a while of having this feeling and being the knowledge seeker I am, I pulled out my cellphone and google searched "what to do when you find nothing interesting". Instantly, at the drop of a hat, with the press one of button labeled "search" I had millions of results at my disposal. A quick scan of all the search results, I saw the same word over and over that meant nothing to me, because up until this point, I had never read, seen or heard of it: anhedonia. In turn, began my head first dive adventure down a rabbit hole I had no idea where it would lead me to.

     The first search result was for SAMHSA (substance abuse and mental health services administration) and it certainly piqued my interest. I certainly don't have to use much of my imagination to understand how having no interests or feeling disinterested can lead to substance abuse or suicidal idolatry. Substance abuse have never been me. I tend to be one who can learn from my mistakes as well as from others'. I have had an uncle in prison for manufacturing methamphetamine, other aunts and uncles with alcoholism and others with drug addiction problems. It's quite an accomplishment to myself that I have been able to avoid substance abuse since the odds are heavily stacked against me on both sides of my family. The first hand experiences throughout my life on how substance abuse can affect one's self and loved ones certainly helped me stay on the straight and narrow. The trail of destruction it leaves in its wake is heart wrenching and devastating. My mother already has one kid substance abuse problems, she doesn't need one more. The SAMHSA site appears to be a great resource, but not one I felt I needed, so I continued scrolling the list of my search results.

    The next search result I looked into was this article by Katherine Gillespie that gave insight on what someone by the name of Sarah was going through dealing with anhedonia and how she dealt with it from day to day. It certainly opened my eyes to how serious of a situation anhedonia can be and manifest into if left to its own devices. I was left with a feeling of hope, because feeling the way I am now doesn't have to and I won't let it be forever. I am not completely against medication such as antidepressants, but one of my firm beliefs is that as long as my feelings aren't too extreme on one side of the spectrum or other, I want to be able to feel and not be or feel emotionally numb by medication.

    I don't feel as if my case of anhedonia is that severe, because some things do continue to interest me and I find it pleasing. I've realized I enjoy traveling so much. I recently drove to Texas for a wedding and it was so calming and peaceful to be on the road. I was able to listen to music and be worry free. I didn't think about anything that stressed me out. I simply listened to my music playlist and every so often to the directions I was given by the Apple maps voice assistant and headed to my destination. I believe a huge part of me wants to break free of societal confinements and be able to do what I please when I please. If there's one thing my twenty-eight years of life has lacked it's structure. I am most happy when things happen on their own and aren't forced. It's completely acceptable to have tentative plans instead of concrete plans. I love being able to adapt to my environment and thrive, probably because I have done it all my life.

    I promise not to let this feeling overcome me and run my life. I will grab it by the reins, so my life reign.